BlissQuest: The Three Secrets of Extraordinary

Our walk back to the cliffs.
(I'm the shadow; my partner is up ahead.)

Listening to: An appropriate song by one of my favorites singer/songwriters.

Bliss: Last night, we finished watching the second season of Dexter, which was beyond amazing in its writing about and portrayal of what makes us each human, how we come to be who we are, how much we are responsible for ourselves, how much we are responsible to each other. And don't get me started on the levels of metaphor we could dig up out of this mere television show.

Bliss the Second: Someone just reminded me: I should update about our friend who just had brain surgery. Thank you for all your positive thinking and prayers. He is doing amazingly well. He's already home from the hospital and now away for a couple of days at a theatre event. To see so much strength in one human is life-affirming indeed.

Probably the coolest thing that comes of this blogging world is the human connections we are lucky enough to make. I have met amazing people through my interview series and have been privileged to stay in touch with a few of them.

Milissa and I still email one another, and let me say, this woman is full of wisdom. (Yes, I am encouraging her to get blogging!)

Just a couple of days ago, she alerted me to an essay at Kripalu Online written by a favorite yoga writer, Stephen Cope. (Both of his books are excellent, though I favor the second.)

Stephen Cope is now directing Kripalu's Institute for Extraordinary Living, and from this work, he is writing about some things that we discuss here all the time. (If you have time, here's the essay Milissa sent me to.)

Stephen is researching people who live beyond the ordinary, who fulfill their purpose (or more importantly, feel that way). He and his team have come up with some interesting findings in terms of what it takes to live your bliss, as I like to call it, or cultivate your life's gift, as Stephen and his team would call it.

First, they have found that the gift takes practice.

This is so important to learn and know. Your bliss in this life is not something that necessarily comes easily or doesn't take any effort. Quite the contrary, your bliss is something that calls to you so incessantly, so loudly that it can't be ignored even though it means, typically, a lot of work.

Lots of people have talents but few people have the drive and the determination to bring those talents to light.

Talent is less important than tenacity, in other words.

Take me and writing, for an example. I have some skill with words, yes, but it has taken me years and a lot of agony to get to the point where I put that skill to the test every single day. And I continue to struggle. The gift or your bliss is not something that you reach a peak with and then stop because you've "won" or "conquered."

No, the gift or your bliss is always a few steps ahead of you, taunting, enticing, as you move forward one step at a time, never ever reaching the end of this path.

This is all about the process. It's all about finding that thing that continually and forever challenges you to go one better.

Second, Stephen and his team have found that the gift is often paired with a wound.

How is this, you wonder, that bliss could be paired with a wound?

Again, this has taken me many, many years to conclude for myself, but I have finally learned that I only have things to say, to write, to contribute, because of the terribly difficult early life that I had.

If I hadn't had that childhood, would I have learned to be so introspective, inquisitive, curious? All of these are important to being a writer. Would I have developed the imagination that I did? Would I have become a reader always starved for new words and ideas?

This in no way justifies the terrible actions of another human being. No, this is about me (or you) and a human's capacity for resilience. This is about my gift or my bliss being stronger within me than the experiences were outside of me.

And finally, Stephen and his team have observed that the gift demands a sacrifice of sorts.

One of my questions in my weekly interviews is about sacrifice. This is just another way of saying "you have to choose." You have to say "yes." You have to accept the challenge.

And though many things may bring you joy or momentary glimpses of bliss, there is one thing in this world, if you are to become extraordinary, that challenges you most of all. That is where your Gift and your Bliss (capital B) reside.

Toward the end of the essay, Stephen writes about the idea of balance. This is important stuff because I think a lot of people don't choose due to some warped ideas about what "balance" means. As if it's some sort of equation that must magically include every single category of life. No, it is more personal and unique than that:

...what about balance, you say? Shouldn’t we be striving to live more balanced lives? My exposure to so many individuals who are passionately living out their dharmas has forced me to look under the surface of the conventional wisdom about so-called balance. Actually, I’ve come to see that the ardency involved in living a passionate life creates an entirely new equation around balance. Ask anyone who is authentically and completely living out their dharma, and they will describe the sublime exhilaration that comes from such total living. (Stephen Cope)

Here's a little metaphor/comparison for you:

Imagine yourself in a grocery store. A nice organic one, of course! You are so totally hungry. You can barely think. Your blood sugar is dropping. And you are surrounded by choices, so many choices. You could have an apple or a full meal or a power bar or a juice or a salad or some soup or how about some granola...and on and on.

You could contemplate your choice for so long that you could just die of starvation.

Or you could just eat. And no matter the choice, you will be full. You will be satisfied. Because you must eat, you must choose, to live.