BardBliss: Tree Pose

The tree I was looking at when I wrote this.
But I was sitting inside. Eating pastries.
That tasted like Paris.

Listening to: Oh, the outfits!

Today's Bliss Formula: After an early morning of much-needed rain, the sun is out. The wind is brisk and singing the wind chimes. I can see the two varieties of Clematis on our mail box from where I am writing and they are beginning to open.


Tree Pose

The tree out front is dancing;
her arms reaching, straining
to sky.
If you don’t look closely,
you will think she is
standing still.
But she dances with frenzy,
with joy, emanating
clear light.

I ache for her abandon;
I, whose feet are not
bound to earth, ache
to move freely,
to abide
in the big mind
of the big sky,
to caress the air
and sing the winds,
to cleanse
breath.

BlissQuest: Hopelessly Devoted to What?

The Central "Altar" in Our House

Listening to: This was my favorite song when I was 11. (Remember, I said eleven!)

Today's Bliss Formula: I love starting my day taking photographs. I need to do that more often. Once it really warms up, I should go out in the mornings with my camera and wander around on my bike.

Every single thing in the above photograph has meaning. The tiny birds are called Guide birds. There are dried lotus seed heads from our neighbors, a piece of drift wood from our lake, story beads, homemade prayer beads, photographs of our Ernie and Jobie and their ashes, Jobie's brush, a Ganesh statue, and more.

All of this reminds me, when I look at it, of my priorities.

When I walked around the house taking photos of the altars, I realized how many we have. One in every room, a few in the living room.

It all started a few Septembers ago, when we decided to put out a Ganesh statue during his celebration month. Every day we lit a candle, changed the flower, and thought about obstacles that we wanted removed in our lives.

The second September we did this, we decided we wouldn't take it down. And then they grew from there.

Lakshmi at the top of our steps.

The act of building an altar can be a spiritual act in and of itself. Choosing what to put on it, arranging it, keeping it neat. But it is the daily usage of the altar -- the acts of devotion -- that give it power.

This is important.

An altar can have anything on it -- religious or not. It doesn't matter. What matters is the intent behind the altar.

What matters with an altar -- and with life -- is the essential question: "To what am I devoted?"

Are you devoted to an old, out worn identity for yourself? Are you devoted to a life that is getting you nowhere, not fulfilling you? Are you devoted, for instance, to concepts that keep you stuck and unhealthy?

And what are the unwritten rules of these devotions? Do you think, for example, that being so busy your head is spinning means you are a good person? Do you think that foregoing your own needs in favor of others' needs, even when it makes you feel bitter, makes you a good Christian/Buddhist/fill in the blank?

To what are you devoted?

Build an altar to it. Light a candle every day. Remind yourself. Then go about your day acting on that devotion.

I am devoted to my partner and my cats and my rabbit and this house and the land on which it sits and my writing and yoga. That's about it. Yes, I have friends. Yes, I have other interests (too many of them). But this small list comes first. It has to; we all only have so much time.

Are you wasting your time devoting yourself to keeping up with the Jones's? Are you wasting your time saying "no" to your heart's deepest desires?

Stop. Today. Right this minute.

Say "yes" to all those ignored whispers of yearning.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

Mary represents, for me, the ultimate "yes," in that
she said yes to life knowing the pain it would hold for her;
the possible joy overrode the fear.

A BlissQuest challenge for the weekend: Make a list of your priorities. Make it only six items long. Think about being devoted to these priorities. When you use the language of devotion, it can help to clear away the clutter.

Go around your house and gather items that represent one or more of these devotions and set up an altar. Spend time with this space. Light a candle. Just sit and think upon your images. Light some incense. Say a prayer, make a wish, visualize your goals. Whatever works for you.

I'd love to know what you come up with!

RandomBliss: The Birds!

The Gold Finches are back!
(We've been hearing them, but
they finally revealed themselves.)

Listening to: Dreaming of Italy from Oregon.

Today's Bliss Formula: Bliss is not in my teeth today; new wires = pain! Bliss may reside in the Advil bottle. And in more normal temperatures -- around 70 rather than the 50's we've been having.

I know most people adore spring because it means summer is coming, but we adore spring because it means the birds are coming. And lately...

This weekend, sitting in the backyard, I saw something out of the corner of my eye and thought to myself, "Wow, that is one big firefly!" And then, it hit me.

"Frog!" (My partner started being called "Frog" by her grandfather when she was two; it stuck.) "Frog! The hummingbird!"

Yes, a Ruby-throated Hummingbird was interested in our purple irises at the bottom of the yard. A few summers back, we think we had a family. Every morning around ten, they would come out -- about 8 of them.

About twenty minutes later, I looked up and who was flying over but the Great Blue Heron. Ever since our neighbors put in a pond with the usual big, bright fish, the Herons fly over our house almost every day -- looking for a snack, I would assume.

Yesterday evening, after hearing them for days but not finding them, the Gold Finches came out. And on her way home yesterday afternoon, riding her bike along the bluff that looks out over the bay, Frog saw a Baltimore Oriole, a precious sighting indeed as they are only here for a short time.

Our Peninsula makes us an excellent birding area; it's a major migratory zone and actually has six distinct ecological zones. Our house is about two miles from the lake, so we get some of the visitors as they pass out of the area.

And because we are one block from a city park, we attract and keep a lot of birds that I think we are privileged to see on a regular basis. My personal favorites are the hawks.

In particular, the Red-tailed Hawk. My love of birding started with this majestic raptor. I was sitting out back at a small table, and I looked up just in time to see a hawk come out of nowhere and swoop down on some Mourning Doves (whom I now refer to, affectionately, as "hawk pockets" -- go ahead, sing it!).

He stopped in mid-grab and looked me right in the eye and then took off with his dinner. I know that this is hard for some people, but I felt honored to witness such a moment. It was breathtaking.

(This is natural -- hawks have to eat. And if you're at all concerned for the prey, read Barbara Kingsolver's book Prodigal Summer to learn about the necessity of not just the prey for the predator but of the predator for the prey. It's all about balance.)

Since then, I am constantly coming in contact with the Red-tailed Hawk and so consider him one of my Totem Animals.

A Red-tailed Hawk is considered a rare totem in that it is one that you keep for your whole life. Other totems pass in and out of our lives, teaching us and moving on. The Red-tailed Hawk stays, and he is, of course, about seeing the larger picture. He brings the gift of vision. Hawk medicine is about seeing a better world and trying to show it to others.

So, pay attention to the birds in your life and look up their totem meaning; they may be trying to tell you something.

SharedBliss: Interview with Artist Kelli Bickman

"Lotus Bliss" by Kelli Bickman

Listening to: This song comes to mind as summer approaches.

Today's Bliss Formula: 39 years old and I get to say things like this: "Today I go to get my rubber bands changed on my braces! Perhaps pink?" (Right now, they are ocean blue.)

I think I have mentioned before that my introduction to the idea of blogging came about because I looked up Neil Gaiman a few years back, after having read and been blown away by American Gods.

And it was through reading his blog that I discovered the art of Kelli Bickman.

Bickman's art was a revelation for a couple of reasons. First of all, because it is. Much like Gaiman, Bickman dares to mix -- color, theme, mythology -- and she does so with respect and humor at the same time. A difficult feat.

Secondly, it was a personal revelation. My partner had been painting for a few years at this point and what she was doing did not look like what people thought of as "serious art," and yet she was not interested in producing "serious art." She wanted to make people think, yes, but more importantly to look at a painting and feel good -- even if just for that one moment.



"Green Tara" by Bickman

Kelli Bickman, a serious artist to be sure, does just that and proved to my partner and to me that art produced from a sense of joy could lead to an artist's life -- you know, the kind we all dream of, where our art is our living and our living is our art.

I think art such as Bickman's is actually the most "serious" of all in that it expresses something joyful and ecstatic about being human. I think, too, that art like this can only come from a certain kind of soul -- a happy, broad-minded, and delighted-with-life soul.

(Besides her own website, you can find her here and here.)

Describe the PrimeBliss of your life. How did you come to know that this was your PrimeBliss?

My PrimeBliss is the act of creating art. There are moments when everything of this earthly existence falls away and becoming one with creation envelopes me, time stands still and everything is perfect in that moment...from what I understand, this is what most creators search for. Mostly I am a painter but I explore many mediums. I prefer to work on large scale works, murals especially, but finding bliss can be in the simple act of making a line drawing as well...no matter what medium, it is the act of creation itself that thrills me. There are times when I am doing a commercial job and I literally laugh out loud because it is so wonderful to make money doing what I love. I've always been an artist but I guess I KNEW it when every job I had felt like I was 'doing time' for a paycheck unless I was creating...and I've had many jobs from receptionist to waiting tables in a jazz club to dressing windows at Saks Fifth Ave. I would always come home after my 'job' and make collages (early works) or paintings. When things started selling, it was very encouraging and I dedicated more time to creating and then somewhere around 2001 I made the leap of faith to paint full time. It hasn't always been easy but I remain steadfast in my intention to make a living as a fine artist and, God willing, my career keeps getting better every day.

"White Tara" by Bickman

What types of choices and sacrifices did you make to be able to craft this bliss-filled life?

I guess the biggest sacrifice in my life right now is space. I have a decent sized apartment in the West Village of NYC, but it is always full of visitors and family and seems to get smaller every day. My challenge is to find a space to paint large scale works in and store the hundreds of paintings I've made in a place other then my bedroom (one never gets away from the art when confronted with it first thing in the morning and last thing at night) and then find the time and energy to make the art.

How does your PrimeBliss radiate out into the rest of your life?

Creating works of art is only 50% of the job. The other 50% comes from an audience receiving the work. Sharing is a fundamental part of the exchange between the artist and viewer. So, my PrimeBliss is really to share my creations with other people all over the world. My work doesn't serve me or anyone when it is stacked up in my studio, so I love having shows or publishing images so the creative exchange exists. And, of course, when I sell work, I tend to be much happier and like to share my abundance with the people closest to me!

What are some other activities that also give you this sense of bliss? Things that make you lose track of time?

I live in Manhattan but grew up in a very small town in Minnesota. My nearest neighbor was a mile away and we had almost 400 acres of land. My father was a farmer, and although I was never much of a help to him on the farm (other than cooking meals), I do love to get my hands into the earth. We have an 800 sq foot deck on the back of my apartment (another rarity in NYC), so I have started an urban garden...very blissful to watch things grow and know that in a few months I will be able to go out back and pick strawberries, lettuce, kale, swiss chard, and many various herbs from our little garden (we even compost our organic waste to make soil for next year's crops). I also love camping, swimming, hiking, traveling, biking, and just generally being in nature. I appreciate Mother Earth so much more after living in a big city.

What is your daily or weekly spiritual practice?

Most important for me is to try to be mindful in every waking moment. I also do dream therapy before and after sleeping. Being grateful for everything is key to any spiritual practice. I also read tarot cards for myself as a guide. I practice yoga and do my best to sit in meditation, but in all honesty, I sometimes get lazy with practice even though I know it can help me move mountains.

What music is your bliss?

I love Krishna Das, George Harrison, Fredo Viola (www.fredoviola.com), Kid Loco, Brett Dennon, Bob Marley, and a billion others...depends on my mood at the moment. I did Live Painting at Seed Gallery in Newark last week and the DJ was really amazing...turned me on to a bunch of new electronica that was so inspiring to create to.

Name books or authors/poets or people who are your bliss, who influenced your bliss.

The biggest life changing books for me were: "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Yogananda Parasambava, "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsh, "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho, and "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Soygal Rinpoche. And, of course, one of my all time favorite writers is Neil Gaiman. I used to work for him, and he taught me so much about the world and has inspired me enormously. He has also been one of my greatest patrons.

What advice would you give to someone who feels they have not yet discovered their PrimeBliss?

Sit quietly and ask for guidance. The answer is always there if you can quiet your mind enough to listen to the voices in your head. Angels really do walk among us and are here to guide us towards our life purpose...all we have to do is be present in our lives and let the magic of the universe work through us and be clear in our intention. There are many great teachers on finding Bliss...Wayne Dyer is a great teacher to help people work with the power of intention and shift consciousness to a higher way of being. Another great teacher is Eckhart Tolle...he teaches stillness and is really amazing. Our planet is in a time of crisis, and each individual person needs to work to stay balanced to deal with the changes that are happening. I tend to listen to the audio versions of their books while I am painting or driving...it keeps me focused and in touch with what is 'real' amidst the chaos of existence as we know it on planet earth.

Do you have a favorite quote you would like to share?

Thoughts create reality.

And don't we all wish our reality
looked a lot more
like Bickman's thoughts?

"Mother of Love II" by Bickman

EcoBliss: Catholicism & the Environment

A missing-her-hand Mary in the cemetery.

Listening to right now: This (though I don't remember seeing the movie)

Today's Bliss Formula: Later today, I will work on the artist interview I have lined up for tomorrow. It's a rainy and cool day, so lots of indoor work -- including more yoga than I have been doing; I'm trying to increase my daily "intake."

(Next Tuesday, I'll look at Hinduism/Buddhism and the environment.)

Pagans aren't the only ones concerned about the environment.

If the majority of the citizens of the United States claim to be Christians in one form or another, this is an important point.

It's time for environmentalism and environmentalists to stop restricting themselves to fire circles. It's time for environmentalism to enter the pews.

The mystics have known this all along:

The Word is living, being, spirit,
all verdant greening, all creativity.
This Word manifests itself in every creature.

--Hildegarde of Bingen
(1098-1179)

Every creature is a word of God
and is a book about God.

--Meister Eckhart
(1260-1328)

And recently the Vatican seemed to show signs of playing catch-up. They released a list, not of "new" deadly sins as some media outlets liked to label it but, of social sins that were meant to clarify the concept of personal responsibility and how individual actions affect the larger community.

This list includes environmental pollution, which means, I suppose, that the Pope will stop flying all over the world in his personal jet...

And yet, they included it, and that is, in itself, big news.

Yet the "old" list of deadly sins, which the Church released 1500 years ago, seems just fine to me -- if we were to pay attention and think about its relevance in our own lives. This list already includes gluttony and greed, both of which relate to environmental "social sinning."

How do gluttony and greed show their ugly heads in our own lives? Take a footprint quiz just to start. (These aren't perfect, but they are helpful.)

Or listen to what the UN is saying about the use of biofuels. In particular, a UN representative for food rights says that "burning food today so as to serve the mobility of the rich countries is a crime against humanity." Strong language, that.

Gluttony and greed pretty much sum up the behaviors that are causing our current problems:

We want cheap food and we want lots of it.

We want strawberries in the middle of winter and bananas year round.

We want 24/7 entertainment.

We want 24/7 access to everything.

We want houses that in most countries could hold a small village.

We want always to be comfortable -- never too hot and never too cold.

We want and we want and we want.

And we don't care what it costs as long as the physical price tag is cheap.

If that isn't a sin, I don't know what is.

If Catholics or other Christians need a role model for better living, who better than St. Francis of Assisi? How many statues of St. Francis do I see in yards -- some not even Catholic yards? And I wonder if we ever stop to really think about him and his lessons -- or if we just think he's cute, like some version of Snow White, with all those birds on his arms?

I don't think we have to wear sack cloth and tolerate fleas, but finding our pleasures and joys in the natural world would be a good place to start.

As a matter of fact, scholar Eloi Leclerc believed that for St. Francis salvation meant an "enchanted existence." How many of us, driving around frenzied from one place to the next, feel we are living such a lovely thing -- an enchanted existence?

Maybe if more of us lived the spirit of Catholicism more closely, we would have more in common with Pagans than we ever thought possible.

InnerBliss: Letting Go of an Anxious Self

Zoe, who knows no anxiety.
(Unless there is a very loud lawnmower outside!)

Listening to: Music like this can help change my mood.

Today's Bliss Formula: I am appreciating the rain today for all the seeds we planted yesterday (and the healthy-so-far grape and kiwi vines and apple and almond trees). But I also appreciate the sun trying to come out! Another day off for most people and yet our neighborhood has remained oh, so quiet.

Like anyone, I am susceptible to the occasional back-step in my quest for a blissful life. This happened a few days ago, but the difference now is that I am able to get my bearings and recover much more quickly because of some tools I have learned to utilize.

The key is that I utilize these tools even when every fiber of my being is screaming "No!" Even when that sluggish part of me says "just lay down; just give in." Even when it feels like there is a four hundred pound monkey on my back. Even then I get up and reach for my tools.

It has taken me many years to gather these tools into a little box and to learn how to use them. This does not happen overnight. But if you keep trying, no matter what, eventually you'll get there.

Like Ravi Singh says in, I think, Naval Power, no matter how many times you have tried and failed to change, keep trying because this next time may be the time. (I paraphrase.)

This particular DVD is dedicated to the naval center, obviously, which is where your willpower resides. To have a strong naval center is to have a strong inner fire. You are able, then, to manifest your dreams and desires -- regardless of the obstacles that may be waiting around the corner. You just keep going.

So a few days ago, I had a conversation that opened the flood gates of anxiety. When this happens, I can feel a toxic stream in my veins -- my arms actually tingle and feel heavy. I call this "green goo." You know the green -- the Homer Simpson causing a nuclear accident kind of green.

I got off the phone filled with green goo. I hadn't had this feeling in quite a while and it made me angry. So I vented to my partner, but I didn't do anything to feel better.

The next day I did. I felt myself spiraling into old patterns, but I was watching them rather than participating in them.

It is at this moment that the big choice comes. I could continue to watch it and then be sucked in by it or I could watch it while I waved good-bye to it. I could choose my old self or I could realize all the work I've done and choose my new self.

We fear (the old self) is all we have. Even its sufferings
are familiar and we clutch them because their very
familiarity is comforting...Yet so long as we aim at the
maintenance of this present self, as we now conceive it,
we cannot enter the larger self-hood which is pressing for life...

--Daniel Day Williams, Theologian, (1910-1973)

And if we do not allow a new self that is pressing for life to be birthed, we will eventually end up sick, whether emotionally or physically or spiritually or, most likely, all three.

I picked myself up and went for a walk. I walked to our Whole Foods Co-op Cafe and sat and drank a healthy juice and ate some refreshing fruit and wrote in my journal. And I ended up writing, "This sadness is not me. I am blisschick, for goodness sake!"

And I am blisschick. As are you. Or, at least, as you are capable. Blisschick resides inside each of us, if we will allow her to come out.

I walked home, feeling lighter. But I knew I had to do more to seal this deal, and I knew exactly what.

I put in Yoga Quick Fixes (a Ravi and Ana, of course!), and I did an "anxiety antidote," which is a very rapid and concentrated form of Kundalini yoga breath work. Like Ravi says, sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

This breathing, on this day, was hard! But I pushed myself and by the middle of it, I could feel that green goo moving on out, and by the end, during a second breathing exercise, I could feel the real me, the true me, the bliss me asserting herself.

I kept writing in my journal, sitting and talking to my partner, and doing more yoga, but within another day's time, that anxiety breath work was downright easy. Because I'd done it -- I'd overcome the toxic, old self.

This is the work. Literally. Health and happiness do not just come to you via the UPS man because you order them up. You have to go out there and get them for yourself.

Attaining health and happiness is much more like gardening and not at all like ordering online, no matter how much we wish it were. You have to cultivate and care and get your hands dirty and feel the sweat on your brow.

And even when it looks perfect, there's always some weeding to be done.

Change: A New Way of Doing This

Later today, look for a post about dealing with anxiety, but for right now, I wanted to take a moment to outline a change for BlissChick.

I will be trying out a new way to organize my week of writing and so here it is, BlissWeek:

Monday: InnerBliss, where I will write about yoga, Buddhism, Taoism, or whatever spiritual or philosophical systems I am currently reading about and exploring and think may be helpful to others in their quest for bliss and peace. For an example, read this.

Tuesday: EcoBliss, where I will write about how your happy life affects this happy planet. For an example, read this.

Wednesday: SharedBliss, where I will post interviews and open threads, which, eventually, will alternate week to week. For an example, read this.

Thursday: RandomBliss, where I will write about any old thing that catches my fancy -- because that's what bliss is like and you never know where you'll find it. For an example, read this.

Friday: BlissQuest, where I will write about bliss in a more theoretical manner and give suggestions for activities and/or journal writing that can help all of us to live more blissful and artful lives. For an example, read this.

Saturday: BardBliss, where I will post my own poetry or the poetry of others. For an example, read this.

Sunday: MysticBliss, where I will post quotes from great spiritual leaders or texts and where I will get my own Sabbath of sorts, a day of rest from writing my own material! For an example, read this.

There's our week. We'll see how this works for a while.

More later!

MysticBliss: Ideas are of the Past

Where I will be much of the day.

Listening to right now: This song has been on my mind and the idea that no matter what, it's all good.

Today's Bliss Formula: It's such a beautiful day; it's not too hot or too cool, but just right; everything is still fresh green and not browning from the summer sun; today is a peak spring day where I am...how about where you are? Have you noticed?

Ideas have become far more important
to us than action – ideas so cleverly expressed
in books by the intellectuals in every field. The
more cunning, the more subtle, those ideas are
the more we worship them and the books that
contain them. We are those books, we are those
ideas, so heavily conditioned are we by them.
We are forever discussing ideas and ideals and
dialectically offering opinions. Every religion
has its dogma, its formula, its own scaffold to
reach the gods, and when inquiring into the
beginning of thought we are questioning the
importance of this whole edifice of ideas.
We have separated ideas from action because
ideas are always of the past and action is always
the present – that is, living is always the present.
We are afraid of living and therefore the past,
as ideas, has become so important to us.

--Krishnamurti

Do your actions match your ideals? Or are you stuck in the talking phase of life? What is one thing you could do today to move toward more experiential living, living that exemplifies the person you really are?

BardBliss: Upside Down and Backwards

A detail from downtown.

Listening to right now: Some Hip-Hop Flamenco from Barcelona Ojos de Brujo (Wizard Eyes)

Today's Bliss Formula: An empty day on my iCal -- and a long weekend ahead with sun and warmer temperatures. Tonight a fire with wine and friends.

Upside Down and Backwards

In the harness of a catamaran
on the lake on a warm
and breezy summer day,
I stretched toward the sky
and let go of the ropes.
My toes slid along the smooth
edge of the boat, playing the slick
edge, tip toeing, daring.
My hair whipped my face
and I opened my heart
and dropped my head back
into the water.

It rushed over my crown
as my eyes upside down
and backward saw water
on top of sky. My body melted
and the harness disappeared
as I cut through the gray green
atop the blue, flying through
life, for a moment,
upside down and backwards.

I thought I might split open,
beginning at my sternum,
and my heart would escape
from its cage and descend
to the sky.

(copyright blisschick)

When in your life have you felt your heart open? What were you doing? Why aren't you doing it more?

EverydayBliss: Showing Your True Colors

The back of my head visiting my niece.

Listening to right now: The Ting Tings

Today's Bliss Formula: A lot of green on my iCal today -- which is the color of writing projects. And then tonight -- an outing! Dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant, which happens to be in our neighborhood only 4 blocks away. Yum!

One of the big differences that I notice between Gen X'ers and Baby Boomers has to do with self-decoration. Yes, perhaps we tattoo (though I have not) and perhaps we are known to pierce a bit more (again, not me), I think we bother less with make-up and perfume than the Baby Boomers.

At least, that has been my observation. I know of no one my age who wears perfume on a daily basis, if at all. And if my friends wear make-up, it's that "invisible" approach -- no blatantly obvious red lips, fake lashes, penciled eyebrows. And rarely a painted nail -- except on their toes. And, to be clear here, the only lesbians I know are my partner and me. All our female friends are of the straight variety.

And yet, my generation does color their hair. Think about it, they were raised pretty much by the first generation of women ever to decide that their natural hair color was unacceptable and it was way cooler to put chemicals on your scalp.

Fifty is the new forty pretty much because of hair color.

So the fact that I don't color my hair -- unless it's been a dreary winter and I'm feeling a bit pale -- tends to annoy these women. They tell me. As if it's any of their business.

Men are another story. And perhaps this will be a shock to most women, but I get stopped on the street -- literally -- by men who want to tell me how much they love my hair. How much they love that I let it be.

Standing in a line at Starbucks, gentlemen in suits shyly tell me how pretty it is and how much they appreciate the natural approach in a woman.

And I probably don't need to point out that men with the same hair color are told they look distinguished.

Of course, I've been lucky. My white -- not dingy gray -- hair has come in in these weirdly perfect stripes.

And I have had more time to think about this than most women. I got my first white hair when I was fourteen. This has been happening to me for a long time. My age -- 39 -- is only beginning to catch up with my hair.

Which brings me to a larger point: our hair is not, for two days in a row, the same color, so when you color it, you are telling a story. I was born, for instance, with pitch black hair and then for the first few years of school, my hair was definitely auburn, and by college, it was back to being almost black -- but with those whites starting to pop up more and more regularly.

Our hair is really a lot like us -- ever changing and ever evolving and why would we want it any other way?

Though, lately, I have to admit, I have been tempted by the idea of pink!

I think, too, this is important: why are you coloring your hair? Is it for fun? For a little pick me up? Or do you do it because you can't stand the thought of aging?

Like anything, it's about being conscious -- even when it comes to something as "silly" as hair color.

EcoBliss: "Return to Nature" is a Lie

Right in the midst of a busy part of our city,
there is a fair and lovely park.

Listening to right now: Natalie Merchant, Kind and Generous

Today's Bliss Formula: My new set up: I've moved my computer to a window in our wee library. A dormered window, so I sit in a nook. One of my favorite things.

Right this minute, I am not feeling completely blissful, to put it mildly. My internet is wonky today, and I just figured out (thankfully) that my feedburner feed has not been working for some time...and now the (not-bliss)quest of trying to fix that.

To add to this atmosphere of frustration, my sweet grey cat is growling at my sweet white cat. It's one of those days...

It's one of those days when many of us start to think about living in the woods with pen and paper, maybe a manual typewriter, and no other technology. Oh! we think, a composting toilet, solar panels, a wood stove in the winter. Nothing that can break or blow up or can't be fixed without a help line.

I hang out with enough pseudo-hippie types and liberals that I get this a lot. This dream of going "back to nature," a dream I have had myself.

I imagine the different person I would suddenly become. A long braid down my back, I would be calm and centered every minute of every day. (Don't ask -- there's always that braid for some reason -- a braid I could never have because my hair is so very thick that it would snap my neck to grow it that long.)

But this is all an illusion. The illusion begins not where you assume, perhaps. It begins at the beginning of this dream: the part where I think I have to "go back to nature."

I can't go back to something I have never left. I am nature; nature is me.

You can no more separate me from nature than you can separate a fish from water...no, more than that...you can no more separate me from nature than you can separate a fish from its fish-ness.

The separation between us and nature is a mirage.
The perception of separation is the result of ignorance.
It springs from the arrogant belief that a human being
is unlike animal beings and plant beings and rock beings.
It is reinforced by the false teaching that technology
has lifted us above the web of life...We do not seek
a "back to nature" movement; instead, we emphasize
the realization that we can never leave nature.

--From Mother Earth Spirituality by Ed McGaa, Eagle Man

This all goes way back, of course, to the Garden of Eden story and the concept that we are bad and that nature is good and that we had to be kicked out. (Pout.)

So then we romanticize nature as the starting point, the point we can't get back to. We turn nature into an object, the "other." And then the real story making begins.

And these stories only enhance our feelings of separation.

But that is all this is -- a feeling of separation and then we interpret that feeling as fact, rather than seeing it for what it has always been -- an illusion and a lie.

This leads to further disconnect. The kind that propels people out to protest pollution, but they get to the protest by driving their cars. The kind that compels people to play the blame game with a government that is not nearly as powerful as are their own personal, everyday actions.

The consequences of this disconnect are pervasive. Just look around. The companies destroying rain forests. The countries fighting over oil.

And it all starts with a lie.

If we are nature and nature is us, then everything we make is part of that web -- including the technology. When we truly understand this, we will then know how to take responsibility for our actions. But only when we get over this lie.

Only when we realize that our feelings are what lead to actions that reflect the illusion that then reinforce our feelings -- a deadly spiral if ever there was one.

Standing at the edge of the ocean, I feel a certain kind of thrill that includes fear. I am drawn to the beauty but also feel a pull...there is death in that powerful water, death that does not see me as separate.

Nature is beautiful and so we idealize it. Nature is also ugly and mean and strong and deadly. Like us -- because we ARE it.

I used to think the Indians were talking
metaphorically about sister mountains and
brother buffalo, but I have now known
the quest and seen the vision. I am beginning
to understand! If there were no rocks,
my body would have no minerals and I would die.
If there were no sun, the plants would not grow,
and I would die. If there were no water, my cells
would dry up and I would die...They have known
that if we profane the earth, we will corrupt ourselves.
What we do to Mother Earth, we do to ourselves.

--Ed McGaa, Eagle Man

There is no getting back to something we could never leave.

When you are walking on a sidewalk today, do not lament the cement but feel your feet's roots dig down past it, imagine them connected to the earth from which you came. Dust to dust.

When you are downtown, do not lament the bui