BlissQuest: Your Awakened (& Frightening) Creative Self

It was -4 this morning without wind chill.
Ice on the windows.

Listening to: This great Feist song; the folk story is, of course, about a sea lion or seal woman having her pelt taken away from her and becoming domesticated. Her pelt is her creativity and her inspiration.

Bliss: The sun is coming out and the sky is perfectly blue. Though cold, a good day to walk in my pale blue snow pants to my chiropractor appointment.

In my opinion, anyone born in a creatively
awakened condition deserves
both congratulations and condolences.
--Clarissa Pinkola Estes

How many of us have been told over our life times that we are "too sensitive?" That we take things too much to heart? That we over-analyze? That we think "too much?"

I am guessing if you are someone "born creatively awake" that you have been hearing things like that since you were a child.

And since then, you have been trying to figure out why you are seemingly different from other people, while at the same time experimenting with being even more different.

You probably dressed differently in high school. I wore hats. And sometimes silk. And sometimes long strands of pearls.

You probably spent your time differently. I'm betting you weren't hanging out at the mall all the time. Or practicing your cheers.

Though some of us would go on through college and into our larger lives maintaining this different-ness, most of us would have our pelts stolen like the Sea Lion or Seal Woman. We become overly domesticated, lose our wild edge where all the creativity comes from.

We don't "lose" it so much as give it over to other things. We decide that other people's dreams for us are bigger than our own dreams. We intentionally go back to sleep, forget that we ever had dreams, let go of all that inspires us and scares us in favor of comfort and a (false) sense of safety.

I was one of these walking zombies. Still trying to please everyone but myself, I married a boy right out of college. I handed over my pelt and stepped willingly onto the Phd/house/traditional family treadmill.

Then I met my soul mate, and much like a fairy tale, I was awakened again with the help of the truest love. Love that melts away the false self and shines like sun on earth, warming long dormant seeds.

Then the real learning began.

Today's book club secret in 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women is "honoring your inspirations." The author is speaking of more than what gives you your ideas but what allows you to manifest those ideas into your creative work.

She is speaking of honoring the unique versions of time and space that each creative soul needs in order to grow their projects.

And some of us are more the hot house variety of plant, while others are strong and sturdy weeds able to grow through a crack in cement.

I am of the hot house variety -- a wee bit delicate needing precise environmental settings in order to grow.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this in a culture where what you do to make money is generally what defines you.

I am not any good at the traditional "job" thing. I get bored very easily and then I start to feel like a caged lion and then the depression sets in.

So I work 2 days a week now at the library and spend the rest of my time at home working on a wide variety of creative projects. For which I do not get paid (yet). This confuses people. Most people appreciate the library job -- it gives them a box to put me in and makes them comfortable.

For a while, I had no "job" at all. That could kill a conversation real fast.

But to make sentences, to build chapters, to construct poems...I need a lot of quiet time; I need daily yoga; I need my pen and paper journal; I need to read...constantly...putting new ideas in my head.

If I worked full time, we could have a bigger house and more clothes and go on vacations and do all that stuff that other people our age do, but it would also mean that I would probably have to be Prozaced like so many in this nation.

Yes, it can be hard to be different is what Estes is saying, but it is much harder not to be your self.

What inspirations and rituals and needs are you not honoring?