Listening to: What a pretty skirt he is wearing! :)
Bliss: Lovely weather over the weekend which allowed for numerous walks with no wind! No wind! An unusual occurrence when you live on a Great Lake. And more bliss: plans for changing the way we are doing things around here (meaning, in our house) are in the works. (I am a tease!)
Four days into the new year and I have been feeling quite confused about the word that I chose -- or the one that chose me -- for my guiding mantra: Fly.
I realized a couple of days ago that I still was not feeling like myself. First of all, I had to take care of the back pain thing. That certainly was not helping. So I made an appointment with our chiropractor/good friend, Tasmin.
I have never cracked like that in my life! And while she was working on me, she mentioned that I was very congested. Not congested like when you have a cold but systemically stopped up.
This made sense to me. I have been feeling congested in many ways.
After that appointment, I was, for the first time in many weeks apparently, getting oxygen to my brain, enough that I could finally see that I was first and foremost way too wound up for my own good. A constant sort of anxious buzz was with me all day and night.
This has to go, I thought, so I set about to spend the weekend relaxing.
Easier said than done. When you get yourself to this level of anxiety, movement and busy-ness feel the most comfortable. Sitting feels very uncomfortable. Not doing. Not picking up the computer every five minutes or making lists or arranging piles of papers.
But I was aware and that counts for a lot. Every time I had an urge to do some sort of busy work, I just stopped myself. Made myself breathe. Look out the window. Meditate or pray. Pet a cat. Anything to slow down.
Eventually some of that congestion started to come out in the form of some crying. I'm not a huge crier. I never have been. So when it comes out, it's usually had to work really hard and it ends up being that explosive variety.
I did that a couple of times, and lo and behold -- a miracle! (ha) I was feeling a whole lot better. After some talking and contemplative reading and some serious journaling, I am getting back on track.
In the process, I've discovered something this past weekend about my word: I had the meaning of it all wrong.
I thought flying had to do with big and grandiose risks.
But it actually has to do with ease.
Birds do not try to fly; they just do. Birds do not think about the concept of flight or try to hypothesize methods of flight. They do it because it comes naturally.
Most of the time, they are just finding the currents and gliding.
So this year for me is about allowing myself to do what comes easily, what brings joy and peace to my body -- not buzzing and anxiety.
For much of my life, I have been taught and I have believed that if something comes to you too easily, it must not be worth doing.
God! Did I have that backwards or what?
It is the very things that come easily that are most often the talents we have been sent to this earth to explore. Pushing those talents to higher and higher levels might be challenging but that is different than "hard." Challenge is good for us; avoiding the things that we are naturals at is bad.
I've posted this e.e. cummings quote long ago, but I think it's worth quoting right this minute:
To be nobody -- but yourself -- in a world
which is doing its best night and day
to make you everybody else -- means
to fight the hardest battle which any
human being can fight and never stop fighting.
which is doing its best night and day
to make you everybody else -- means
to fight the hardest battle which any
human being can fight and never stop fighting.
16 comments:
Oh! A wonderful post indeed!
Congratulations on your breakthrough and newfound clarity!
I had similar wisdom come through on the pages of my journal yesterday. It doesn't have to be hard, this life thing. We can trust the process, go with the flow, just show up and see what magic happens!
EASE ~ what a great word :-)
Love that quote by the way. So incredibly true.
I so happy you've received this clarity - an ephiphany I'd call it. We are our own worst enemy, sigh.
Keep flying with the updrafts...
what a great post to read upon returning from vacation!
Ease caught my eye.
Was it Philip Yancy (I'm pretty sure) or M. Scott Peck, who wrote on the deterioration all around us due to disease.....expressed
dis-ease or a lack of ease?
"Naturally" and "Gliding" caught my eye.
You are in the early stages here. Many a bird has to be kicked out of the nest by a parent. They either like being tended to, for all their needs, and want to stay put.
OR, they look down at the height and engage in fear....no WAY will I go out there.
So the parent bird kicks them out for their own good and they fly or die.
On Gliding, use caution.
When was the last time you saw a hummingbird glide?
Perhaps you need to discern the type of fly you wish to become.
In the course of dating, I have two questions that will come up by me at some point in the ritual, maybe not on the same date.
I want to know if my date eats corn on the cob as a typewriter...eating rows horizontally, or just going round and round the cob. That answer is revealing to me and deferred here til later.
The other question I ask is prefaced first.
"Do you dream at night?"
Yes/No will come forth.
"In color or black-and-white?"
(Tells me a lot on a person's view in life).
The next question in this repertoire is for those who dream.
"Do you fly in your dreams?
And IF you fly, are you a flapper, or do you soar?"
The answers are astounding and endless and may keep a date going til 4am!
But in general, a flapping bird does the work of flight. They flap harder to get higher.
Watch a flock of geese in flight in "V" formation.
The lead bird does all the work. Air resistance is greatest for this bird.
The leader splits the air current and two birds form in this opening left and right. That creates newer openings of less resistance and the "V" takes shape as more geese fill in the easy flight zones. In real life, the front leader tires from having the greatest resistance in their face. The rest "cheat" as they follow leadership, with EASE.
Knowing a good thing will come to an end if the leader conks out, they take turns and let the leader go to the "V" for a rest. Community ensues.
Those who soar are a different breed of bird. They must be sensitive to thermals. The ground is heated and air rises. Their wings simply hitchhike with the currents until they are high enough to soar (or glide) in any direction. As height declines while soaring, they simply hitchhike a new thermal and laugh all the way to the top.
Here is the catch!
Flappers are in control.
Their own effort determines height, distance, journey.
Some people need to be in control. They get the job done, but control spills over into other areas of life and they can be difficult to live with as a result.
(Try to get a good night sleep with a hummingbird on the next pillow!)
Those who soar (or glide) tend to relinquish control. They have absolute trust in others, in life, in love. These are creatures to embrace and cherish.
However, in giving up control to outside forces, they rarely journey into spots outside the zone of a thermal. Over time, the regular routine can become boring. Spontaneity is NOT their calling card; that would be a flapper.
To those who tell me "No, I do not dream ever, let alone in black/white", I picture an EKG machine revealing a flatliner.
(There's more, but that's enough for here.)
Your attempt to "fly" Christine has an early stage blockage.
Is it fear to leave the nest?
Is it the comfort of being taken care of and nested?
Have you yet to determine just what type of bird you are?
A flapper? In control?
A "soarer"? In release?
I did not expect to write on this until June, when your journey to "fly" was well underway.
Keep in mind the "Seasons" for flying too. There is a time to be up there, and a time to be down here.
BTW, do you chew your corn on the cob like a typewriter, or around and around? :-D
Danny, Yes, I, too, am a lover of birds, and I have in recent years become quite the avid bird watcher -- and I mean "watcher," sitting and just observing their behavior. This fondness for birds started with a hawk coming into our back yard. (Story for another time.)
So, in particular, I feel drawn to hawks, but I also love geese. All fall, I run to the door when I hear them coming, practicing that V formation.
When I think of "ease" in this context, it is purely about the idea that birds do what they were built to do. They don't philosophize over the why of it.
And my own struggle in this life seems to be about just that -- letting go, being trusting, having faith, doing what I was sent here to do and not questioning it to death. Not wondering about greener pastures and all that but being that lily of the valley.
Yes, flying can take work, and I am not adverse to work. :)
Again, I have a fondness for the hawk -- who has to use his very strong wings to get to the thermals and then can just let go. I dream of one day visiting hawk mountain, laying back, and watching thousands and thousands of red tails streaming over me.
Let's see...I dream every night. Always in color. Never flying. For much of my life, I have suffered from extreme nightmares, and only in the last few years have I managed to get some relief from them.
And, of course!, I eat my corn like a typewriter! But I have a very complex preparation that includes slicing every row down its center (better for digestion -- ha).
Thanks for helping me to think this through even more.
My word of the year keeps growing! I think it will be "fly with ease," and now, after this, I think it should be "fly with ease and grace." :)
Do not fear; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Luke 12:6-7
--- an opening line to a post
Your value: many sparrows. His love and care: more than you could possibly deserve.
--- closing line to same
Summed in a word:
GRACE
Full post:
http://www.ccwonline.org/sparrow.html
Christine,
You are worth more than many sparrows!
(We will return another time to typewriter rows of corn. Preslicing is a nice touch!)
Go fly!
This word for the year is an amazing thing, isn't it? Already your word has taught you something amazing, and it's only January 5!
(I chose my word the day before Xmas and started noticing a shift within a day ~ and I really didn't think it was going to make much impact when I chose it.)
Ahhhhh...gliding and ease and relaxation.......good stuff all around!
I'm going to check out Marcy's blog right now!
I love the quote. I think a bell tinged when I read your wisdom about misguided thinking that only difficult things we do mean something. I've been cursed all my life with the belief that ease = not worthy. Thanks for articulating what my soul knew all along.
I love ease!
Ease in Sanskrit is sukha—a very important quality. In fact every yoga posture is characterized by ease (and stability) according to the Yoga Sutra. The seated cross-legged posture--easy pose--is sukhasana. I think in this posture you can definitely fly.
What a wonderful post! I have another of ee's poems for you that might go even better with your new feelings of EASE -
I wish you a year of SOARING -
"i thank You God for most this amazing day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes"
Again, you touch me. I have been out of touch with my computer lately and have missed reading your insightful writings of life and living.
I have been having the same feelings as you have and have been crying A LOT! I also have that quote from e.e. cummings on a sticky note right next to my computer. I just woke up this morning thinking "How can this be my life? I don't feel like this is where I am suppose to be. Nothing feels right." I am far from being where you are. That is why I love reading your blogs. It helps push me in a sense of direction. I usually feel like I am going around in circles. I was going to go lay on the couch for the morning. Now I am going to go out and do.
You have introduced so many things into my life. They say things enter your life for a reason. I think I stumbled on your blog because it is something I need. I love reading everyone's comments too. They are just as insightful as you. I appreciate you. Thank you!
Oh, I do think I see glints of my epiphanies here! I am so glad that my dance with the hard stuff inflected your own movement. And I am even gladder that you are finding so room and some peace with floating through the air! Too exhausted to do your work here justice, but I hear you, sister!
Blessings and love,
Marisa
There is crying in the blog; crying in the comments...and in Jessica's case...A LOT.
A few kind words on crying:
Every year, there are forest fires out West. Tens of thousands of acres are destroyed. Soon, on the news we hear that a careless camper left coals going, or kids and a match did it. I see acres of ashes, but investigators see a pattern and story revealed.
In a burglary, the tiniest fingerprint from the criminal can reveal his entire story and his goose is cooked.
I believe each of us will one day be found, and our whole story revealed. Our Creator has a way of finding us. In each case, something is left behind that can be found only with the greatest of skills, just as the fire investigators possess.
There are times when the heart is moved to speak in a language a heart can understand....a tear. They come in times of extreme joy and extreme grief and instantly convey a message.
And the falling water is nothing but sacred, for a pattern of you is being left behind.
Scientists have long tried to create life. The only known environment where the essentials of life are located (water, salt, protein/albumin as I recall, and temperature) is in a teardrop.
Perhaps our Creator in his infinite wisdom wanted every soul to be found. Just as every fingerprint is unique, and every snowflake is unique, I believe that every tear is unique. In times of extreme sorrow and extreme joy, our hearts cry out, and our souls cry out, and our tears cry out
"Here I am --- FIND ME"
....and He does.
Look closely at altar railings or pillows. You won't see an invisible snowflake or invisible tear. But as firemen can see patterns in the forest fires, our creator can see invisible tearprints. The invisible becomes visible when you seek it.
When you next see a person crying, whether a wedding or a funeral, a birth or a betrayal, the creation of a love or its end, tell that person to splash away as much as they can.
For they are in the process of imprinting part of their story for their Creator....on holy ground.
Hi, first let me say that I've enjoyed reading your blog. I am a new reader, but am quickly becoming a fan. :)
The quote was just what I needed to read tonight.
Thank You :)
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