InnerBliss: Dear John Dear

A willow ball delivery for the rabbit.

Listening to: Something completely different.

Bliss: A whole day yesterday just relaxing with Marcy and the cats and the rabbit. There was Ben & Jerry's involved, some peanut butter cups (for good measure), and DVD's in the middle of the day.

Yesterday I mentioned turning into AngerChick this past week and having to take some steps to remedy the problem. I promised to talk about how and why this all happened...

I had an unexpected reaction to the Inauguration.

I was home alone on Tuesday and listening to it via NPR online, since it seemed everyone in the world was watching it via live streaming video, creating a lot of traffic online, to say the least. Lilly the cat pointed out that listening to it would be interesting; you can focus more on his words and their actual meaning, rather than being swayed by all the inevitable shots of people crying from the relief. Smart cat.

I won't go into a critique of his speech, though I found it amazing. It was bold and assertive in ways that inaugural speeches usually are not.

I was pleased.

Then I started thinking about the past eight years and all the damage the right wing conservatives have done to the image of Christianity. How they seem to have co-opted it from the radical, liberal version that I find to be more truthful to Christ's intentions.

Dude didn't say "tolerate people you don't like," for example. He said, "Love your enemies." LOVE them. That's radical and it's liberal. And it was considered downright dangerous in his time (as it is in ours, I guess).

But I wasn't feeling love for these conservative fundamentalists that find my love to be perverted. I wasn't feeling love for the conservative fundamentalists who have thought it was their job to spread democracy -- with the end of a rifle.

I was feeling mad. I was feeling frustrated. I was feeling red hot, kick their asses, shove their messages....angry.

And I don't mean I was feeling some sort of productive emotion that would propel me toward good works. No, anger really does not do that. Not true anger.

Anger distorts and it blinds and it cripples. It turns us into monsters. It does not increase our humanity.

Only love does that.

I poured a lot of this toxic lava onto my poor partner when she came home. I don't mean that I got angry with her, but I showed her my anger, displayed it, self-righteously and loudly shared it.

As I came down from it -- in the face of her startled love -- I knew I was in trouble. I knew I needed some serious help.

So I did what I do: I wrote a couple of emails to a couple of people whom I have extreme respect for in the nonviolence movement. And John Dear responded almost immediately.

He does not know me. I was just someone reaching out to him, but he reached right back.

For those of you who don't know him, Fr. John Dear is a peace activist of the highest quality, a man who walks his talk. At one time he was the director of the Fellowship of Reconciliation. He has a new book out and writes a regular column over here.

And his emailed response to me was filled with the voice of a man who could feel my pain but who was not going to tell me it was okay. This is a man who challenges us to the call of expansion. He knows we are not small; he knows we are infinite; he knows what we are really made up of.

Here's a small excerpt from his email:

For 1700 years people were taught that war is acceptable for Christians. Everyone accepts that, except for a few of us. So we are going against everyone---even though the Gospel is completely clear. So we have to keep letting go, trusting God, giving the results to God.... and do what we can.... When it gets too hard, pull back... Do only what makes you more loving and peaceful.

The trick is to know that the results are in God's hands, to love everyone, to know that anger reveals our wounds, and so to be merciful, nonviolent and loving to ourselves, forgive everyone, and be peaceful as we promote peace. This is all to encourage you! You're doing great.

To me, reading his email was like having a bucket of cold water thrown at me: I woke up.

Oh, right...this is why I do what I do. This is why I pray and meditate every day. I am preparing myself, working on liberating myself, so that I am not only part of the solution but no longer part of the problem.

Love your enemies. In the end, that is another way of saying that we have no enemies. That we are all one. That we have to take care of each other -- that we are responsible for one other.

But above all, we are responsible for and have to take care of ourselves.

Anger is deadly. To me, to this global community, to this planet.

So...Dear John Dear: Thank you for reminding me that my feet rest firmly on the path of nonviolence. Thank you for waking me back up.