InnerBliss: Yoga to the Rescue!

I can't resist icicle pictures.

Listening to: I'm loving the song In Passing.

Bliss: Today I get to go pick up Marcy from her retreat cabin! YAY!

BonusBliss: Check out this new and fab store designed by Jennifer Hugon. The packaging, the product, the approach -- it's all brilliantly whimsical! (Make sure you click on one of the pictures to see the whole thing.)

I've mentioned before that Marcy and I are one of those couples who would like to be together twenty-four seven. We do well together. We find each other endlessly amusing. We are never annoyed with one another's presence. (We are not perfect, obviously! We have our "moments," like anyone else.)

Furthermore, our creative energies become symbiotic when we have lots of time together. If Marcy takes a week off from the library, for example, our rhythms become aligned. I can feel her in her room painting or writing -- the room right next to my writing room. And that keeps me moving forward.

So having her gone for a long weekend is a bit...trying.

If she had been at the cabin in the summer, no problem. I would hop on my bike and spend time at the water, at a cafe. I would read outside in the sunshine.

Winter is another story. I love winter. I love the quiet. I love the solitude. But alone for days in the house, with snow pouring down, with no desire to leave the house -- oh, my!

Add to that the fact that we are approaching the anniversary of Jobie leaving his fur suit; I am already sad. And I don't "do" sad well. It's hard for me to let go and let the sad be what it is.

But this weekend I had to. There was nothing to distract me from it.

The problem is that for someone who has suffered from pretty severe depression in the past, sadness feels frighteningly familiar. It feels very slippery. Cliff-like. Sad can feel like the beginning of something much worse. Even when it's not.

I journaled. But I wasn't getting anywhere with that. It wasn't helping in the way that it can.

You know I was feeling extra badly because I almost got snarky with someone who comments here. Snarky? What!? I hate snarky. I abhor snark.

That was my really big red flag -- the snark.

When I am really sad, when I'm not dealing with it, the uglies come out. I'm sure the same is true for anyone reading this. My uglies include, but are not limited to (ha!): anger, snark, being a know it all, and being defensive.

I knew what the cure was and I was resisting.

I didn't want to do yoga, I whined to myself. To the cats. To the rabbit. Oh, I was so whiny. I didn't want to change into my yoga pants -- too much work. I didn't want to pick the DVD -- too much work. I didn't want to stand up and walk up the steps to my yoga space -- too much work.

What a whiner!

But the amazing thing? The thing that tells me I have really, truly defeated my most dangerous demons? I did it anyway.

I got up. I walked up. I dressed. I selected. I did.

I did what I knew would make me feel better even though I wasn't really certain I wanted to feel better.

And during that yoga, Ravi Singh said: "Let love be your guiding force."

Yes.