When someone whom you've just met asks you: "What do you do?" -- what is your response?
Most likely, if you are an American, your answer will be your job title. But there are cultures for whom this would be their last response. Yes. It's true. They might say that they are a parent or that they love to read or sail or that they garden or write poems.
(Some of us are lucky, of course, and we spend our days making a living by doing things that express our very essence. I'm not necessarily talking to you!)
So it came as no surprise to me when I last wrote about this idea of who you would be if no one had ever told you who you are that a lot of people ended up talking about jobs.
Answering this question can, eventually, lead to a different work life. But it starts at a much more basic place than that and I think it's worth revisiting.
This is about internal chatter, toxic tapes that play over and over, gremlins, divas that take up all the space and suck the oxygen right out of our ideas and dreams.
For me, this Blisschick, "you are lazy" is a core belief I hold about myself. No matter the lists and lists of evidence that I and others could construct to prove this wrong, it is still there, waiting for a moment when I'm not paying attention to ruin my party.
This means that my question is: "Who would I be, what would my life look like, if no one had ever told me I was essentially a lazy human being?"
The opposite is not always the answer.
Meaning, I do not necessarily replace "I am lazy" with "I am Super Woman of Productivity." Instead, the key here is to erase the lazy tape and replace it with "I am fine and happy the way I am."
Period. And it's probably the "answer" that we are all looking for.
Being fine and happy just the way we are.
So for enCouragingBliss this week, I ask you, what core belief about yourself did someone else teach you and can you let it go to just be fine and happy?
Dig Deep. Be Brave. Choose Bliss.
(Photo & Text Copyright: Christine C. Reed, blisschick.net, 2009)
16 comments:
I have the lazy thing, too. I work so hard at not being lazy, and it takes me forever to start being productive, but when I get down to it, I get REALLY productive. And people look at me like i'm crazy when I say I'm lazy, but I would really just rather not bother with any of it. I always opt for having less money over having less time. Having less things over having to work all the time.
I like your idea about just being fine and happy. Because I also have this thing in my head where productivity is linked with self worth.
But maybe it's okay to be lazy sometimes.
Here are two:
1. Everyone's needs (but most especially family's) are more important than my needs.
2. Being human is not good enough.
On #1: This is a very common thing for women, but that's not actually where it comes from for me. This is a family inheritance that crosses gender lines. This is something I've learned to recognize, challenge, and reject - one piece at at time - over the years. Very, very challenging.
On #2: This has been told to me by every religious and/or spiritual group I've been involved in throughout my life. It's also told in other words by every materialistic, consumeristic, and "progress"-obsessed part of our culture. This one I am SO done with and I'm exploring and reveling in that done-ness.
Emma, GOOD stuff. Excellent. Really difficult stuff you are working through.
Rowena, Wow. THIS is the whole point of this post.
The fact that you, at all, equate wanting more time instead of more stuff with "lazy," tells me that you are still reacting to another's idea of you.
You are an AMAZING woman, mother, and artist, and there is not a lazy thing about you.
It is HARD what you do and a little resistance is not laziness. It is just difficulty.
Instead of "it's okay to be lazy sometimes," perhaps you could consider that it's okay to take moments to breathe in and appreciate your life, that it's okay to have priorities and to live them, and that it's okay to see that time with your family is more important than money.
There is NOTHING LAZY about that. :)
When I traveled in Africa, hardly anyone asked me what I did for a living. Mostly they asked me about my family.
I'm trying to let go of the lazy thing too. But it turns out I'm only lazy when there's stuff I REALLY don't want to do (ie. housework). I'm really quite productive when I'm passionate and engaged.
I too have the lazy thing. Also through my eyes I have this crazy magnifying glass that makes every little imperfection on my body HUGE. I haven't learned how to let it go yet, but would love to learn the secret of getting that tape out of my head.
Heather, what a great point! I too can go crazy on stuff I WANT to do. And I don't like housework either. I wish to be financially stable enough to pay someone to do it for me. Not likely anytime soon though, since I stay home with the kids. lol
People have always said that I'm shy, quiet and reserved. People have made me feel really bad for this but then I read a Blisschick post about the book Introvert Power and realized I'm just an introvert who prefers time alone to read and write and explore my creative side rather than be bogged down with a ton of social activities. Slowly but surely I am learning to feel happy and fine the way I am.
Thanks Blisschick for pointing out that book, it's really helped me a lot!!
Wonderful question, Christine. For me, it was a very solid work ethic. You must work very hard to earn money. I have a tendency to be a "worker bee" (raised by parents who lived through the Great Depression) and have been making great progress of late untangling these ties. Work can be joy, it does not have to be hard, and we can be greatly blessed financially by doing what we love. And we do not have to kill ourselves, or stress ourselves silly to do so...
And I agree wholeheartedly with Rowena. To be lazy on occasion, to absolutely loaf and lull ourselves as we need to be well, is a very good thing...
I agree totally with the spirit of Rowena's comment -- that we take time for ourselves.
I think, though, that we have to STOP referring to this as lazy. That is a negative judgment.
How about we start calling it what it is? Resting. Rejuvenating. Taking time to breathe and assimilate our experiences as humans.
What the HECK is lazy about any of that?
Lazy is purposeful neglect of activity.
Resting is activity in and of itself.
The lazy tape plays in my head, because I no longer have the conventional answer that WASP culture dictates I provide. Someone ... many someones ... have for so long put in my head the notion that unless I return to the profession in which I once worked, I am lazy ...
Fitting that you should write this post, when for several days now I have been anguishing over making the heartbreaking decision against returning to what is currently a lucrative profession. Ah, but, my friend, its not just about the lucrative, is it?
And, I am sort of tired of facing this question when I meet someone for the first time ... and they ask this question. Because, basically, they're just trying to find out how much I earn, and then trying to make an assessment of my social worth based on the answer I provide.
So, know, when faced with that question, what do you do? I answer: Live ... what else?
And yes, there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
Happy 4th of July to you.
If you were to turn it around to, "I am not lazy," I bet you could find examples of how that is true. You have periods of inactivity. Have you asked the inactivity or "laziness" what it has to tell you? Have you explored how the period of inactivity might be a gift? It is in the believing that laziness is a negative that is the problem, not the inactivity itself. Every situation has something to teach us, which means we are in any given situation to learn. If we get lost in the negativity of our thoughts, wherever they may come from, we lose sight of the lesson.
I learned at a young age and carried into my adult mom/wife life that MY dreams were not important MY needs were not important. Whats important is making money, benefits, unions, things....stuff like that.
I've had to fight MYSELF hard and against a sea of nay-sayers to allow lazy to be who I am. I dont think lazy is a bad thing and I enjoy listening to my body and mind and just enjoying life.
I work now, not full time and lazily easing myself into a life long dream of being surrounded by beautiful mama bellies...so 1st birth doula, then postpartum doula then midwife!
this is an AWESOME post and I love being able to come here and confirm that I am doing whats best for me and in the long run its best for those around me (I hope).
peace
I started going after unconventional dreams when I was fairly young. In my conservative family I was taught that I was the "black sheep" of the family, the wild one, the ungreatful one who left and never came back.
For years I felt guilty about leaving the nest, escaping my family's comfort zone.
I'm proud to say that I've gotten over it (finally...probably around age 40) and I might now even be considered the "inspiration" of my family.
I like what Heather said about being lazy with only things you don't want to do, and being productive when you are passionate about it. That rings true for me.
What a FABULOUS blog...thank you so much!
I would just be free to be me. When I grew up I was very emotional and I cried easily. Because of this I was not allowed to go into the ICU hospital room of my uncle. In my Aunt and Mother's defense, they assumed he'd be in a regular in no time. But he never made it and died in ICU. I was told I was a "cry baby" and thus I learned that emotions were a bad thing. Don't cry, don't feel and for goodness sake don't show it...what a bunch of crapola!
Sometimes I struggle with it but most days, I can just feel whatever emotion I have and move thru it. I don't get stuck, but I don't run from it either.
I'd also be free to put me first. Not church, not siblings, not my mom or friends. But to recognize that my emotional happiness matters to. Not money, or things... I'm getting there... its a life long journey but at least I started it :-)
I found this quote today and it spoke volumes to me, as I also struggle with the "don't be lazy" stuff...
Rest is NOT idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmor of the water (and your heart...my addition), or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by NO means a waste of time... Sir John Lubbock
I am awake early, ready to sit down with my morning java, Tanner love, and Women Who Run With Wolves. Thought I'd take one more look at this post before I do.
I am astonished at how similar our stories are! I could have written each of one these comments in some way or another. I echo what each woman has said.
Having recently been judged and labeled by my mother ~ and accused of being selfish and hedonistic ~ I am now seeing all of this BS for what it truly is!
And that leads me to quote from Emma's comment that I am done, DONE, and reveling in my done-ness over all of this junk.
And let me be the first to suggest a virtual {{group hug}}...which is essentially what you've given us by writing this post ~ and allowing us to renounce what others have tried to impose on us over the years ~ and now claim our wonderfully amazing True Selves!
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